Sunday, February 12, 2006

As God is my Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly!

Saturday dawned with a blanket of snow on the ground. A thin blanket, but a blanket nonetheless. Monkey's priceless reaction as she opened the front door: "Wha'?" By 9:30, the sun was out, and most of the snow was gone.

The day was spent making pies for three birthdays (lucky for me, only one pie), and disappointedly watching the Terps lose at home to the dreaded Dookies. At least the pie came out good. Here in Central Standard, the sports lines were all abuzz over the news of Mizzou men's basketball "coach" Quin Snyder's resignation...or firing...or something. All we really knew was that after claiming he was not going to resign on Thursday, he seemed to resign on Friday. All the university would say was that Snyder was not going to coach the team on Sunday. Which sort of left Saturday unaccounted for. Not to mention Monday. Sunday morning's paper reported that the university bigwigs let reporters into a meeting just long enough to report that the board of bigwigs voted to hold the meeting in private.

"You may leave, now," they told reporters. "When we are done we will leave without making either an announcement or a comment."

Now, it's all cleared up. Quin is gone. Resigned? Fired? Sabbatical? I am still not sure, but if it is a sabbatical it is permanent. Many a fan will miss Quin's gold ties and floppy hair. Some may even miss his husky post-game voice. Others may even miss his impeccable ability to generate unsubstantiated rumors all about town. (He has unsubstantiatedly been reported doing the most lascivious deeds imaginable. Well, except for that one. Wow, you have some imagination!)

At any rate, it's a good bet that few will miss his coaching ability. Evidence suggests Snyder's game plans consisted of drawing X's on the chalkboard, yet forgetting to put any arrows next to them. This led to a good deal of standing around by his players, who often looked at the ball (if it was passed to them), and, knowing nothing else to do with it (no arrows to direct them, you see), chucking it up from thirty feet away from the basket. (This led to a good deal of the team's fans chucking things up, too: their hands, their hats, their seat cushions, their lunch.) Sometimes it went in; when it didn't, having had no arrows drawn to direct them, they often watched the ball carom off the backboard and into the hands of the opposing team. Seeing the other team running up the court, they did have the natural inclination to chase them, but they often had no idea what to do if they caught them, or what to do if the other team dribbled around them (again, you see, a lack of arrows). Whoever the next coach may be, I hope he (or she) has the good sense to draw some freakin' arrows. These men need direction!

But, I digress. Saturday evening consisted of a lovely dinner at Mr. and Mrs. Fishing Buddy's, with Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bryant in attendance (and their new babe, Harrison). Mr. Bryant smoked a mean salmon, and Mrs. Fishing Buddy made some great lemon dessert thing.

After dinner, Monkey and I took our pie to Coach B's house, where we belatedly arrived to celebrate the birthdays of Coach and Mrs. B and Boring Election (who made a damn good cheesecake--I haven't enjoyed so much dessert since...well, I may never have enjoyed so much dessert!). Coach B is working on his Master's in administration. He says he'll be done in May...or August...or sometime; he's not sure. Many of us who were at the birthday shindig are hoping he remembers to hand his final project in. Actually, we're just hoping he remembers that it's due. Some time. In the future. We think.

Today, the Osculator and I drove out to Swan Lake National Wildlife Refuge, where we saw 10,000 snow geese. Well, really, we saw the snow geese in a corn field about six miles south of the refuge. Apparently, geese can't read. But they did ask us for directions. Osculator spotted a flock of wild turkeys in a corn field, too. Birds seem to dig corn fields. More than wildlife refuges. Hunters, however, seem to dig wildlife refuges. We saw and heard a bunch of them.

Non-sequiter alert! You wanna buy a bagel? Talk to my wife.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah, it is truly refreshing to be reminded that the University of Missouri continues to run in the efficient, thoughtful, logical manner as I remember it. Enough about that, though - let's hear some rumors already! And what in heaven's name will that brother do with all those gold ties? And a more minor point - what he gonna do for a J-O-B? Usher for T/F? (Usher the tickets kind, not Usher the no-shirt-dancin'-in-the-rain kind. Though if he can't work the arrows on the court, he may not be the ideal candidate for a T/F usher directing people around.)

I have a request. Can a sister get some pie when she is in town next week?!? That would be so fly. Please please please?

Though for some reason I keep gettn a hankern for a bagel. Do you happen to know where I can get one?

Why is it that in Missouri life forms are safer in the wild than in the refuges or on the trails?

Turkeys run fast, eh?!

Anon AMVB

Osculator said...

ATR, I wanted to thank you for the shout out. I'm often lumped into the "and a few other folks" category, and I'm not gonna lie - it hurts.

And enough with the bagel talk! The Bagel Nazi, a.k.a. "Monkey", has banned me for a month. And the regular reminders are difficult for a person with my delicate constitution to take.

AMVB, you need a job that limits your time on the net. You're on here so much I'm starting to think of you as DMC to ATR's Run.

Much Love,
-Osculator

ATR said...

I believe Osculator may have dubbed AMVB a new moniker. What's up, Run? Good work, Osculator.

Bvqasap, hollah!

ATR said...

That would, of ourse, be DMC, not Run. Note to self: no blogging before 9am and/or coffee.

Gafny!

Anonymous said...

What can I say, O? This is my way of being in touch with Reda in that antagonistic sibling loving way we have - I read his blog and respond every day possible. It's quite the compliment to Reda, I might add, since I do not have internet access at home and thus only am really online during the 35 hours per week I'm at work. At which time I'm usually, you know, working. Internet time is at a premium, and I'm proud to declare that I tithe regularly to the church of Central Standard. Amen.

(So do you think a sister can get some pie next week?)

DMC Anon AMVB

Anonymous said...

Working that pie angle hard, sista!
Monkey

Anonymous said...

When it comes to fabulous homemade pies made with love by Reda, I am indeed shameless in working every possible angle!

Dedicated zealot, Anon AMVB

ATR said...

Three dollars!