Monday, August 28, 2006

Contemplations with a Broken Finger

10. Why does the middle finger have such an uninteresting name? Consider the other fingers. Big Mr. Opposible gets the common moniker "thumb." Proceeding to the right (we are discussing the right hand, in this case), we have the index finger. Why? Well, because this is the finger we generally use when following down the list in an index, looking for the topic we are curious about. Then, sad middle finger. Obviously, it IS the finger in the middle, but why isn't the index finger called "middle finger minus one" or "almost middle finger" or "inframiddle finger"? Next, we have the ring finger. This seems to answer the age old question, "Which came first the ring or the finger?" However, if you think about it, how much sense does that make? Finally, the pinkie. Obviously, a white man came up with this name. I wish it would have been named by someone of a darker race. After all, who wouldn't want to walk around with a couple of "brownies" on his or her hands?

9. It's not easy to brush one's teeth or shave with a broken middle finger. Don't even get me started on the difficulty of flossing.

8. One cannot appreciate how often one bangs his or her finger on random objects until one bangs a broken finger on a door knob, a steering wheel, a gallon of milk, a faucet handle, a sofa arm, an alarm clock, a brake handle, the inside of a mailbox. The list, unfortunately, is endless.

7. Using two hands to field a ground ball is fundamentally sound. I keep telling myself this. From now on, however, I will charge ALL ground balls.

6. Everybody has a funny question about someone else's broken finger. It's like that scene in Sid and Nancy, when Johnny is sitting on a counter, getting his battered face bandaged. He's apparently been assaulted. Someone enters the room, sees Johnny and says, "What happened John? Tried to kiss your mother?" I will not regale you with the witticisms I have endured.

5. Teachers do a great deal of writing.

4. Walgreen's has a not very large, but adequate selection of splints.

3. Given time, one can figure out how to do just about anything with a broken middle finger. Fortunately, I have been able to use my busted digit to avoid washing the dishes for a little while.

2. Ice cream makes everything feel better.

1. Given the choice, I would rather have a broken finger than a broken just-about-anything-else.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

10. Other options: central hander-ed; finger sandwich, and finger hawk.

9. Time to post a pic of your mug on this here blog.

8. Stop banging randomly and start banging with purpose. Time to relive the world of drumming?

7. You go with the double-handed balling.

6. What? You were speeding with dairy?

5. Time to take up passive teaching wherein you read without writing.

4. Ditto the selection of poison ivy treatments.

3. Be kind to , and creative with, your busted digit.

2. Yes. So does cheese.

1. I implore you: Do not break anything else to prove your point.

Anon AMVB, her nemesis is the poison ivy and the knee pain - which makes triflora homeopath challenging to use for knee pain when one is "hypersensitive" to poison ivy