Hog Roasting: A Tale from Pedro

Ola, everybody. Pedro here. Is been a long time since I talk to you all. Maybe this the first time I talk to some of you. If so, Ola. Me llamo Pedro. Back in the day when I live in Baltimore, I work all the time for this dude, Belvedere. Me and Pino and the Big Kahuna. We roast a lot of hogs. We drink a lot of beer. We dance with a lot of fat women from Brooklyn. But maybe I should no tell that story! Hehe.

Anyway, is pretty cool here near the rivers. Not a lot of hogs to roast, but there is plenty of good beer to drink, and maybe the women are not the same as the ones from Brooklyn (dios mio), but plenty of them are about the same size. I sometimes miss the fun we have back when we roast the hogs, but is cool. When I get back to the casa after a night with the hogs (wink wink) I stink. Very smelly, those hogs. But, it was fun, and sometimes, we even got paid.

I remember one time we roast this hog at this dude's house and Pino pick up the lid on the cooker, and in like two seconds, man, the whole pig is on fire. It look like...well, it look pretty bad. The next thing you know, the fire department on the way, and the police right behind them. That no good. I no like the police so much. I no can say why. Well, I can, but I ain't going to, dude.

Well, anyway, the police come, so I disappear for a little while. I hide in the closet in this dude's house, you know? Well, guess who I find in that closet when I am in there? Yeah, dude, a fat girl from Brooklyn! Those bitches everywhere.

I am in that closet for like two hours, dude. And there no was a whole lot of room. For half the time I think I just give up to the police, but somebody blocking the door. When I get back to the crew, they tell me the police leave after like ten minutes. Ten minutes! And I am in that closet with that girl from Brooklyn for two hours. Everybody think that was pretty funny. Not me, dude.

Well, dudes, I want to shout out to all my homies. Especially the Big Kahuna. It is a long time since I see him. I seen that the sofa writes to everybody, so I think it be cool if I get a chance, too. I may no get to do it again. If no, vaya con dios. Maybe I see you all again, maybe no.