Wednesday, November 09, 2005

And on the Eighth Day, They Shoved Their Heads Up Their Asses

This morning, as I prepared for a rare sick day in which I would spend the day grading papers (a little known fact: most English teachers take sick days to catch up on all the grading they can't get done during the other 60-80 hours a week they work), I skimmed the NY Times and found that the Kansas school board had again decided (after four years ago deciding to undecide what they had initially decided), by a vote of 6 to 4, to require that the teaching of evolution be accompanied by the disputation of the evidence that supports evolution as a scientific theory. They reason that other "theories" are just as scientifically sound as evolution. They are, of course, cow fornicating idiots.

Supporters of Intelligent Design, the new 21st-century label for creationism, are still trying to pull the wool over people's eyes. To what end, I don't understand. They claim that they are not trying to foist religious teachings on the school systems, but I don't buy that. The way I see it, the only "evidence" they have is in the Bible. Last time I checked, that was a religious text. Maybe in Kansas it's not, but I suspect it is.

Ever been to Kansas? I have. It's not a bad state. It's not as flat as you'd think. But, it's flat enough to make me think that people in Kansas (who prefer to be called Kansans, but I think I'll call them Kansassholes) might suspect that the world is flat. And that the ocean is a myth. And that two plus two may be four to the rest of the God-forsaken country, but there in the land of cows and corn and oil and sunflowers, they believe it just might be somewhere between three and six.

It's stupid enough to make me laugh, but it's real enough to make me scared. Kansas may seem like a far away farm-fantasy-land to some of y'all, but it's right next door and real as shit out here. And most Kansassholes think pretty much like the rest of the sheep-headed majority in this dim-bulb led monstrosity that we call the United States of America.

I think tomorrow I am going to teach my classes that MOST people may think that subject-verb-object is the typical word order in a sentence written in English, but other say theories scrambled that order acceptable is word.

How do you like that?


Anonymous said...

As I deeply spiritual being, I must go right to the tizzy tizzy top to cite God hissef, who wrote in the 11/17/2004 oft-cited email to People of Earth,"knock it off, all of you - seriously, what the hell"

To continue the spiritual mizzy mizzy mix, I add the beauty of JT (which sure sounds mighty close to JC, doesn't it?!):

Senior Reda,
I feel for you.
You deal with things
that you don't have to...

These are just a few tidbits from our enlightened culture that clearly indicate that We Were Designed Intelligently. Yeah. So. I say grade those papers using the Biblical standard (whatever that is - didn't they learn you that in your edumication?).

Now I'm off to reinvent maff Biblical style - I mean, Intelligently as per those brilliant Kansas micky fickys. Maff ID style = all A's for the Aim, bless my soul!

Prayin for your sole soul, Reda!


Anonymous said...

By 'senior' I actually meant 'senor'. Damned non-speakin Spanish spellcheck! Yo, my spellchizzy need a hat hat hat.

Senor Reda, you aren't senior or old or anything like that! Indeed, you're under 36 and that's all that matters. Until a few weeks from now, when we call you under 37 instead. :)

So the words go like this:

Senor Reda
I feel for you
You deal with things
that you don't have to...

I know what you're thinking: That JT serves up some mighty good musics! Only some kind of Intelligent Design coulda thought him up.




Anonymous said...

I just can't let this one go. So how about Pat Robertson's comments to the heathen folk of Dover, PA:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God -- you just rejected Him from your city," Robertson said on his daily television show, "The 700 Club."

"And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there," he said.

Apparently God is moody, overly sensitive, knows if you've been bad or good, and keeps a chip on his shoulder accordingly. All that, and an "intelligent" (?) designer reponsible for the "complexities" of fools like Pat Robertson.

I'm so disgusted at this point that all I have left is this:

What ever happened to 'crazy'?