Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Jersey Midwest?

After a lull on the rodent-terror front (yes, I am placing the little guys on the Axis of Evil--it's the only American thing to do), thanks in large part to the surge in trap strength that has led to the demise of enough mice/Jihadists to make a quincunx, I was today assaulted as I walked out of my school building to head home in the near dark.

Now, don't get too excited. Nobody slugged me. Nobody pulled a weapon on me. I was not, as Uncle James likes to say, a "victim of crime." No, ladies and gents, I was assaulted olfactorily. As the musty smell of manure descended upon my nasal passages (or, perhaps, they ascended up my nasal passages, eh?). I was on the phone with Monkey at the time, and she confirmed that our town smelled like cow shit.

This is not the first time this phenomena has been noted by yours truly, but it is the first time it has been corroborated in real time. I know we are in agricultural-type territory, but one would think a town of this size wouldn't smell like a feed lot (okay, maybe that is a bit harsh, but still...).

So, I guess we need to add a new alert to the scale. Just above (or below) PoP, we have to place....wait for it...PooP.


La Fashionista said...

Damn, stinky. That is some clever isht you got right there.

Though I must say that I was expecting to hear ranting about traffic circles, awful drivers, endless tolls, refineries, and - worst of all - mediocre beaches known by the unfortunate colloquialism of "the shore" and that you have to pay to visit. Of course, one bonus is that you would be close enough to Philly to get a good cheesesteak and good Italian.

But that would have to be one helluva westerly jet stream to blow all the Jersey your way - and past all the noteworthy smells of Gary, IN for that matter.

Alas, my friend, you're livin in PooP City. Pew!


PS - Loved the (gratuitous?) "quincunx"!!!

Boring Election said...

quincunx - this is now my favorite scrabble word. As a bingo, it's 76 points w/out any premium tiles.

Thank you, Tony. I now live with the dream of being able to play this word before I die. Simple pleasures...

Ethan said...

Poor Mice. You have to remember though Reda, you live in Nebraska, the smell of cow is everywhere. Mind you, here in Columbia if the wind is blowing right you can smell the Waste -Water-management-plant-thingy all throughout the city. I swear one day there was a yellow Haze over the city.

How is the Novel coming along?

ATR said...

Gratuitous? It has inspired others! Please BE, let me know if your dream is ever fulfilled...it is a lofty dream to have. A lofty dream. You keep reaching for the stars (He dabs a tear from his eye.)

Ethan--two things. First, all towns can smell like a waste-water treatment plant when the wind blows just right. Every town I have ever lived in has. Second, any haze from said treatment plant would probably not be yellow (if you know what I mean). Oh, and another thing: what novel? I don't know what you're talking about. (READ: It has gone nowhere, this year.)


La Fashionista said...

Another good goal is to find creative ways to drop "quincunx" in conversation. It's not as lofty as the scrabble deal, but still fun and challenging.

Thanks, Reda, for using my favorite word ever!