Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Welcome to Hell

AN EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 7 PM CDT THURSDAY.

THE PROLONGED PERIOD OF DANGEROUS LEVELS OF HEAT AND HUMIDITY WILL CONTINUE THROUGH EARLY THURSDAY EVENING ACROSS THE ENTIRE AREA. SOME OF THE HOTTEST TEMPERATURES OF THIS SUMMER ARE EXPECTED OVER THE NEXT TWO DAYS...WITH HIGHS FROM 95 TO 100. THESE TEMPERATURES COMBINED WITH HIGH LEVELS OF HUMIDITY WILL RESULT IN HEAT INDEX VALUES OF 105 TO 115 DEGREES FROM THE LATE MORNING INTO THE EARLY EVENING HOURS.


It has been rather hot here lately (I hear it's been rather hot everywhere lately--I wonder if Al Gore had them do that for the release of his global warming documentary--he can do that, you know--after all, he did invent the Internet). It's to the point where I have not been outside for longer than ten minutes since about Saturday. It's really unpleasant. It's so hot, even the whistle pig doesn't come out. The forecast calls for 100 today and 102 tomorrow. In the words of Aunt James, "That's not right!"

The last softball game of the Spring season is tonight. Mercifully it's at 9pm, but it will still be 95, then. No championship for the Deadliners this Spring (the heat has little to do with it). We are gearing up to get them in the Fall, however. That season starts August 23, I think.

Stay cool, people.

8 comments:

Magdalene said...

Wow, hell is a big place these days...

Today was the hottest day in July on record in England EVER...97 degrees.

In a country where most places don't have air conditioning, it's HOT...DAMN HOT!

(Of course for us American east coasters, hell happens EVERY summer for at least a month if not longer, but still...spare a thought for the poor Brits over here for whom 80 degrees is a heat wave.)

Sending cool thoughts through the ether-net (or should it be cyber-space?).

M.

P.S.
Good luck to Monkey. Coming from the world of psychology myself, I can relate to her own personal hell. My words of wisdom to her- this too shall pass...(and so will she) :)

Anonymous said...

How hot is it?

It's so hot that my sweat is sweaty!

And it's also so hot that I can't think so hot and that's all the wit I got. Plus I'm rushing trying to bust out of this here work.

HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Stay cool right back atcha.

Anon AMVB, she hot

Magdalene said...

OLE, OLE....OLE, OLE...
FEELIN HOT, HOT, HOT!

Everybody sing now!

I'm hot, she's hot, we're hot...

Anonymous said...

Magdalene,
Thank you for the encouragement. I can use lots of it these days. Come on August 4th!
Monkey

Anonymous said...

I'm presently covering the front desk at the office and am so thankful for the break in other things. In between answering the phone in my southernist gum-smacking drawl, I discovered more in the spirit of my strivings yesterday.

IT'S SO HOT!

It's so hot that

the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

the cows are giving evaporated milk.

the trees are whistling for the dogs.

you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

you can say 113 degrees without fainting.

you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

you can make instant sun tea.

you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.

the 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

you discover that it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

hot water now comes out of both taps.

it's noon, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

you actually burn your hand opening the car door.

you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

the drive-by shooters were shooting holes in their own cars just to get the cross ventilation.

it was so hot you're getting hot flashes, and you're a man.

my corn field started popping and my neighbors thought it was a snow storm.

Kinky Friedman's cigar lighted itself.

I accidently dropped my bag of groceries and the eggs & bacon were frying on the sidewalk and I had breakfast right there.

the Star-Telegram stole Johnny Carson's "How hot is it?" bit.

Websurfing = fun! And now, back to work.

Anon AMVB

ATR said...

Bravo! Well played on the Gene Rayburn-esque "How hot is it?"

And how coincidental that you mentione Monsieur Friedman and I JUST finished reading a Kinky Friedman book--The Love Song of J. Edgar Hoover! Not bad (the book). An odd take on the mystery novel, hard-boiled and Texas fried, with a lot of bourbon and cigars thrown in for good measure.

Hoping I don't wreck my bike and cook to death.

kjlrtg

Anonymous said...

AMVB,
Did you make up all that yourself??? I'm impressed. My favorites:

the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

the 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

Study time,
Monkey

Anonymous said...

Me, I gots mad creative google skills! I'm glad you enjoyed it, Monkey.

Anon AMVB