The Fat Puppy Dog

Monkey returned from the vet's on Friday with startling news. Our puppy dog of six years, Ripken Ozark, had gained seven pounds since his last annual check up! Seven pounds. That's like fifty human pounds! Clearly his age is catching up with him. And we don't walk him enough. The doctor suggested low calorie food. I think we should walk him more. I mean, I sure wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life eating low calorie food. It's bad enough I switched to low fat turkey dogs. Thank God I still have hot turkey sandwiches. I will be enjoying one tonight. Otherwise the puppy dog is healthy and happy. He's just fat. And Bachman Turner Overdrive proved that there ain't nothing wrong with that.
This morning, as I put the finishing touches on a lecture on Romantic literature (yes, I know, you can't believe the excitement that is my life), the president speechified about his newly appointerated Supreme Court nominee: Harriet Miers. Her qualifications: uh, she likes the original Law and Order, and she really prefers the law part. That, and she's a woman. Is she a hard-line conservative? Is she a bleeding heart pinko? Who the hell knows. Will she take a cue from Chief Justice Johnny-Boy Roberts and stonewall Congress? If she's smart she will. I have a feeling the Democrats will be shitheads about the whole thing just on principle. They let Roberts slide, so they'll make Miers' life hell just to compensate.
That was the big news of the day. That and the whole censorship brouhaha at my school resolved itself into nothing. We will maintain the status quo. You haven't heard the dope? Well, we have a new leader at my workplace, who seems to be the kind of leader who stands behind the curtain and controls the giant talking head and purple smoke clouds in the inner sanctum of the Wizard. You know, a "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"- type. Well, we'll call our fearless leader Fearless Leader. Without getting into details, the possibility of real sanctions could have befallen my department. All of us were in a mess o' consternation. We lost sleep, we lost hair, we drank heavily (on the weekends). After all the sturm and drang, nothing will change. We were supposed to have a meeting with Mr. Leader today, but he didn't post. And I still haven't actually seen him in the hallways. "The Great and Powerful Oz has spoken."
One thing I have seen in the hallways is a great deal of masculine nonsense. I've had to get involved in two fights in my hallway this year. The first two of my career, and they come less than two weeks apart. What's up with that? I gotta tell you though, breaking up a fight is quite an adrenaline rush. Not one I would prefer to have regularly, but it surely does get the old heart pumping.
The day ended with a strong and productive practice from Coach B.'s and my powder puff flag football team. Homecoming is less than two weeks away, and the team is looking strong on offense...maybe needs a little help on the D.
Now, it is time for the hot turkey sandwich! Mmmmmm. I will be thinking of you, as I enjoy the hot turkey sandwich. Unfortunately, it will be without fries.